The Best of Adrienne Sioux Koopersmith
February 11, 2001
This Week's Attempt At Humor
I am in shape.
Round is a shape.
Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but fat cells live forever.
Time may be a great healer,
but it's also a lousy beautician.
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember, amateurs built the ark.
Professionals built the Titanic.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Stupidity got us into this mess ...
why can't it get us out?
Even if you are on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly...and for the same reason.
I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
I am a nutritional overachiever.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
I am having an out-of-money experience.
I plan on living forever.
So far, so good.
I'm not afraid of heights,
just afraid of widths.
Practice safe eating,
always use condiments.
I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad I take something for it.
If marriage were outlawed,
only outlaws would have in-laws.
I am not a perfectionist.
My parents were, though.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
that you once got from a roller coaster.
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world.
A pessimist fears that this is true.
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them
that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
The real art of conversation
is not only to say the right thing at the right time,
but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom.
Sometimes age comes alone.
_______________________________
A man went skydiving for the first time. After
listening to the instructor for what seemed like days,
he was ready to go. Excited, he jumped out of the
airplane. About five seconds later, he pulled the
ripcord. Nothing happened. He tried again. Still
nothing. He started to panic, but remembered his back-
up chute. He pulled that cord. Nothing happened. He
frantically began yanking both cords to no avail.
Suddenly he looked down, and he couldn't believe his
eyes. Another man was in the air with him, but this guy
was going up! Just as the other guy passed by, the
skydiver yelled, "Hey, do you know anything about
skydiving?"
The other guy yelled back, "No! Do you know anything
about gas stoves?"
__________________________________________
In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. And the
Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the
face of the deep.
And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.
And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding
seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was
good.
And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness,
and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the
fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and
over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth." And so
God created Man in his own image; male and female created he
them. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that
they were lean and fit.
And Satan said, "I know how I can get back in this game."
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and
spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and
Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the
99-cent double cheeseburger.
And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
And Man said, "Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her
figure that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10
pounds.
And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and
olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its
own platter.
And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the
roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose
those extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would
not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.
And Man gained another 20 pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God
brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and
brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created
sour cream dip also.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips
swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMO's.
____________________________________________________
Enough chatter for this week, lets
go and read some funny cartoons
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/4675/Companion.html
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I would be honored if you'd visit the Dr.Draw Companion
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/4675/Companion.html
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Heeeeey check this out. Ralf Ryder has his own Homepage
http://www.angelfire.com/ca/ralfryder/index.html
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"Question the rules"
