The Best of Adrienne Sioux Koopersmith
January 7, 2000

This Week's Attempt At Humor

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well
but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his
watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought he comes up with a clever idea that he
thinks will scare the kids away for sure. So he makes up a sign and
posts it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see
this sign, which says, "Warning, one of the watermelons in this field
has been injected with cyanide."
So the kids run off and make up their own sign, which they post next
to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next day to
look over his field. He notices that no watermelons are missing but
he notices a new sign next to his. He drives over to the sign and
takes a look.
It says,"Now there are two".
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STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you
buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to
invest in Amazon.com.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions.
Please note the first five letters of this word spell "Broke".

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked
during the last quarter.

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be
listening to your manager's presentation.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks
he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short
position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir?
Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month.").

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market,
which is why your broker charges you one.

YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged
and your broker is making a margin call.
__________________________________________

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
-- Responsibility makes me nervous.
-- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't
work under those conditions.
-- Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.
-- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
-- The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
-- While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly
disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the
experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately
lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as
the major sphere of responsibility.
-- I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
-- Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not
know I am looking for another job.
-- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
-- I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
-- Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

PERSONAL INTERESTS:
-- Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:
-- Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.
-- Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.
-- Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.
-- I'm a rabid typist.
-- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.

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Enough chatter for this week, lets
go and read some funny cartoons
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/4675/Companion.html
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I would be honored if you'd visit the Dr.Draw Companion
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/4675/Companion.html
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Heeeeey check this out. Ralf Ryder has his own Homepage
http://www.angelfire.com/ca/ralfryder/index.html
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"Question the rules"